Monday, August 16, 2010

Eat, Pray, Love and Shoot me in the Head: Part 2

So what did I mean yesterday when I said I may have gotten lost in the shuffle?

I came to New York 7 years ago bursting with dreams and idealistic optimism determined to become an actress. See my first headshot on the right:) Look at those bright eyes burning with possibilities! Look at those bangs! I was determined to make it happen. However, after a few months of auditions I realized there was something missing. I was uninspired by the work that was out there. So, I took up writing in order to make better roles for myself and discovered my passion for writing extended beyond my passion for acting. I threw myself head first into learning that craft.

Since I came to New York, my life has been a constant hustle for money to sustain myself and for artistic fulfillment. I have been so frantically striving and trying to prove myself that the passion that brought me to New York has slowly drained away and I was too busy to even notice. And I'm left wondering where it went and how to get it back.

Although I don't have the resources to go on a year-long trip, like Liz in Eat, Pray, Love,  I can think about what I really want the next step to be. I  can go on my own mini journeys to places in the city I've never been. I can sit with myself and pray. I can ask: Am I living the life that I want or just going through the motions? Regardless of whether you think that Elizabeth Gilbert is a hero or a spoiled bitch, I believe that question is the key to a fulfilling and authentic life. You should examine yourself no matter if people think you're selfish, or whiny, or spoiled, like many find Elizabeth Gilbert.  But perhaps we should ask ourselves: What's so wrong with going on a journey to find yourself? Isn't that why we were put on this Earth?

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