Friday, March 11, 2011

New Friday Feature: What If Our Favorite Celebs Were...Hipsters?

Got this pic from 1Thought 2 Many

So anyone who knows me, know that I enjoy talking ish about hipsters. In case you don't live in a place like NYC that is rife with hipster poserish-ness (yes, I made up that word), here is a website that offers lots 'o pics of these folks. So what's my beef with hipsters? No beef. I just think they're funny and kind of pompously predictable with their skinny jeans, ironic T-shirts, lunch boxes and wallet chains. So, I was thinking: What if some of our fav celebs had been hipsters? What would they be like?

Barack Obama

Now clearly from this pic, we can see Obama has some hipster tendencies. Bet that ciggy was hand rolled and that hat was from a insense-filled thrift store in LES. Also, our prez did start out as a community organizer in Chi-town. This is a very hipster career, I feel. However, he turned from his hipster ways to become our stylish first Black president. I'm thinking Michelle might have snatched that hat off his head and gently steered him away from his hipster life. What if he had remained a hipster? Who would he have been?

Well, after his stint community organizing, Barack would've considered politics, but decided against becoming part of "the machine." To figure out his path, he would've gone back-packing through the jungles of Surinam because "Brazil is way too touristy and done." Whilst sweating it out in the jungle, he has a vision of opening a poets cafe. He and some other hipsters decide to pool their resources (i.e. their moms' and dads' resources) to open an anti-establishment spoken-word poetry establishment where Obama used his writing and oratorical gifts to wax philosophical about capitalism and organized religion.

His waist-length dreads and his custom-made dashikis over skinny jeans would be his fashion staples. He would have taken to smoking salvia pipes BEFORE everyone else and would constantly remind you of this. His musical taste would be way obscure. He'd love stuff like: French acid punk from Sierra Leone and post-modern yodeling. You know, "stuff YOU'VE never heard of" he'd say in a douche-y manner. He wouldn't own a TV and only watch Asian black and white short films at underground film festivals.

He'd put off getting married in the 80s and 90s because he's against mainstream institutions. However in 2005, when being unmarried is becoming more common, he decides to marry a Black Tibetan Buddhist jewelry-maker. They have a wedding ceremony in Sanskrit in a community garden in Brooklyn and jump a broom at the end. He'd end up being one of those dudes playing chess in the park when he's old.

Next week will be the Hipster Huxtables...

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